Proactive parenting is not only about responding to behaviour problems, but doing so in ways that support a strong positive relationship with your child. The essence of this proactive approach is the development of partnership between parents and children.
Partnership between parent and child does not imply equality or permissiveness. Rather, it means mutual and demonstrable respect of parent for child and child for parent-respect that often comes from parents finding ways to coordinate their own agendas with those of their children. Developing partnerships with children requires, then, finding ways to appropriately share control. It means being as committed to, and clever about, the ways you give away control as you are about the ways you asset or retain control.
With preschoolers and older children this often involves negotiating, discussing family rules and expectations, and planning future events.
With younger children, a commitment to partnership involves acknowledging children’s feelings, providing avenues for them to pursue their goals, and helping them to do what parents have determined must be done. Redirection, offering limited choices, and making necessary activities enjoyable or inviting are familiar strategies that foster shared control.
When a teacher listens to the children’s concerns and gives them limited control, children get practice in problem solving, and the class-room runs more smoothly.
Of course, sharing control is not possible all the time. Often adults have to lay down the law or give up in exhaustion.
But by giving your child appropriate practice in sharing control, and working together to meet everyone’s goals, you will be going more than just managing behaviour problems; you will be supporting your child’s overall development to the benefit of your child, yourself, and your family.