Grandparents:
There is often a special bond between grandparents and preschoolers. A preschooler’s world is filled with discovery and joy in everyday occurrences. The knowledge, acceptance, and the serenity that a grandparent can bring to a child gives that child a sinse of comfort and security to explore the world.
Grandparents are special in many ways. They pass along family history, giving children a sense of belonging to something that has been around a long time. Grandparents provide children a new group of people, events, and traditions in which they can take pride. They also provide a history of a child’s parent, which helps even young children to begin to see their parents in a different way. Stories of parents as children are powerful and often beloved, as children hear about and imagine their parents with the same struggles, joys, and troubles as they have.
If the grandparents do not act as primary caregivers, they can offer unconditional love just as parents do, but without spending time setting limits and enforcing rules. They have been through all those struggles with their own children, and are free simply to love and enjoy their grandchildren. The depth of their love and connection to their grandchildren often means they indulge them in a way that no one else will.
Relationships with grandparents, like all close relationships, can be complicated. Parents sometimes witness interactions between their parents and their children that remind them of patterns that bothered them when they were younger, and that they have not been able to successfully address or resolve with their parents. When these patterns are repeated with their own children, they are understandably upset.
If a parent has ongoing unresolved conflicts with their parents about their children, and if the issues are important enough, the parent need to draw boundaries around the amount of the children’s contact with their grandparents.
Sometimes, grandparents’ ill health prevents them from establishing the kind of relationship that they would otherwise want with their grandchildren. Limiting the length of visits so as not to tax the grandparent’s patience, and limiting the amount of time the child needs to sit still can help. Also, the parent should look for ways to redirect the child toward less boisterous activities during visits, by brining books, videos, or other props conductive to quiet activity.
It is relatively easy for young children to understand physical limitations, especially if the grandparent is bedridden or visibly disabled; it is much harder for them to understand emotional distress due to illness.
Relatives And Close Friends:
The relative may be the one who asks the questions about the child and helps the mother examine the child’s sleep problem, and the friend may show greater concern regarding the mother’s well-being. Which kind of support is most appreciated will depend on the parent’s need at the moment. Does the parent mainly want ideas for dealing with the problem, or the parent need emotional support for themselves. The key point is that friends often provide different kinds of assistance than relatives provide.
Close friends can be a wonderful resource for parents of young children, They often know the whole family, yet they are little more objective then a family member might be Because they do not share the family history, they do not carry the baggage of the past. Long-standing friendships are particularly valuable because they can remind the parent of important things from the past and help the parent discern patterns.