Too many parents worry that setting limits, reprimanding, and being firm with their children will hurt their children’s self-esteem and undermine their long-term development. As a result, parents may under control by failing to give their children the limits they really need to feel safe from their own chaotic impulses and to learn how to exercise self-control. A different parent or expert might say: “We help a child by setting limits and enforcing rules for that child’s behaviour.”
The assumption here is that controlling young children will help them form constructive habits, which lead to cooperation and self-discipline In this view, children behave as parents wish only through outside control and motivation. This style can also have unintended consequences. Of course, sometimes it is necessary to enforce a rule or routine. But the problem with a consistently authoritarian approach is that parents over control, making it less likely to behave only when their parents are right there.
Moreover, parents who believe that their major role is to enforce consistent standards often find themselves drawn into conflicts with their children over little things such as hair brushing, conflicts that sap the joy from their relationships with their children.
Supporting the development of children inner resources is very important, it means helping children develop an understanding and appreciation for limits and rules, an inner morality that works to guide their behaviour even when adults are not around: A key to self-control. It also means helping children become individuals who can make and maintain good relationships through sharing control, relationships that is called partnerships.